In a recent comment one of our readers mentioned that people don't like to be told how to f.ck. She may be Right.
But all The sex 'textbooks' say to have a healthy sexual relationship You have to do just that. They say if you want something then ask for It. So why should the rules be different with your primary partner and someone else? Is it within the boundaries of politeness to tell your temporary sex partner 'this is how I like it ...'
We think that as long as it is done politely there is nothing wrong with communicating what you like.
It is always rewarding to hear coos, moans, groans, or screams of pleasure from your partner - whether it is your #1 partner or one of many. There is also too much of a good thing. We have all been in a room with someone who talks too much - but that is subjective.
But what about when things aren't going to plan. What about if he/she is not showing signs of enjoyment? Do you think they should be able to give clear instructions about where, how hard, and how fast?
There is a distinction between complaints and guidance. To say 'well that is/was crap' is probably overstepping the mark. To say 'f. me harder' might be reasonable. In our experience there are as many ways to do stuff as there are people. Some girls don't mind their clitoris being belted like the button for a slow moving elevator. Some prefer a more featherlike touch. Some guys prefer the over-revved Dyson whereas other might just be looking for some soft serve action.
We can't see why a partner would not appreciate being told your preference - after all how else will they know?
Interesting results so far. I know it is not kosher to "talk" whilst Playing...but if it is a "fun" play, I don't see an issue....still us girls know that it puts the guys off their hard on Lol! People just don't really feel comfortable to say EXACTLY what they want in specific terms....haven't known anyone to spell it out to us yet....specifics just do not seem to be the go....I guess it is not really considered sexy if you have to spell it out in our society. Until things change, which may be never, we will mostly all have to keep guessing!
o Half the people want to be told.
o Nearly all of them think it's OK to say.
o But it doesn't happen as often as we like!
Clue:
Quote:
it puts the guys off their hard on
I wonder if its how we say it??? (f. me hard ... )
Sprechen ist verboten (about football or current affairs) but I wonder about other things. Personally I can't stand talking about anything towards the end of the game but maybe some sexy talk early in the first half is OK
lol, I guess a request is for something you want a partner to do. As for stuff you don't want them to do, that is obviously non-negotiable. I'd say that stuff is less request or instruction and more of an order - "STOP THAT!"
I never feel compelled to do anything. But then I am such a selfish hedonist. I enjoy most things myself, and am up to trying pretty much anything (as long as there's no blood, excrement, extreme pain or real humiliation)so far I have yet to be asked to do anything that I am not up for.
Actually, that's not true. one guy asked to bareback and I just said 'no'. End of story
One of the things I really enjoy about this Lifestyle is the communication and open discussions that I have with my partner.
Its always hard telling someone you don't like what they're doing - treat people how you want to be treated .. usually with courtesy , consideraton and good manners .
My partner and I find some of the fun comes from the planning to play ,discussing the other couples boundries as well as our own, this usually means communicating the negative stuff is easier too.. usually a quiet whisper in the ear is enough.
We regulary check in with each other too... usually eye contact . I'm sure every couple has their own code.
tit biting is something I am not fond of, but obviously some like it, cos I have had it done to me on the assumption that...." I like it, so, so will you"! Everyone is different and that is where it gets really tricky!
tit biting is something I am not fond of, but obviously some like it, cos I have had it done to me on the assumption that...." I like it, so, so will you"! Everyone is different and that is where it gets really tricky!
DOH !
Its OK, I've made a note in my book to stop biting you now !
Its funny how you transfer your partners likes across sometimes, and it just does not work. Thats where you DO need to tell people what you like and dislike.
Right
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