There’s been a bit of a conversation here and on some of The other boards. The punch line is, regardless of the venue, It’s the people that make a fun night. That’s one of those intuitive truths that You can’t argue with.
But why? What is it about one group of people that makes them different to another group? We all talk about ‘a connection’ but what do we really mean.
In this piece we talk about one very important factor. How much trouble you go to. How hard you try do it Right seems to have the greatest bearing on a good or a bad night.
More than half the people we talk to say ‘there has to be a connection'. Do they mean like minded people? Do they mean similar backgrounds? Do they mean similar points of view? Do they mean equally inebriated? I'm not sure a bunch of clones could have as much fun as a group of well ‘connected' people. We can't all have the same views on all the traditionally controversial subjects.
Maybe it's that only groups of skinny people within a few years of age naturally gravitate together. I doubt it. From time to time you see the beautiful people's monthly mutual admiration society meet-up. But it's rare, and every time we've seen it they don't seem to be having as much fun as the normal people.
So what then?
We were lucky enough to cram 7 ‘events' into one weekend. 5 of them were with lifestylers. It was a very telling weekend. In every case, the fun was in direct proportion to the trouble the people went to. We were lucky enough to spend some of our weekend with very experienced couples. People who've had plenty of time to learn the ropes.
We were also lucky to spend some of our weekend with people who haven't been around the traps so long. Those people really make a lot of effort to savour the moment. In both cases it was the effort people put in that made the fun. What goes around comes around.
We were wondering if you are with someone other than your partner, aren't you ‘obliged' to go the extra mile to make sure they have a good time? Maybe that's where the connection comes from. You recognise that the other person is looking to make the experience memorable for both of you?
From time to time you see the beautiful people's monthly mutual admiration society meet-up. But it's rare, and every time we've seen it they don't seem to be having as much fun as the normal people.
? Maybe I'm having a dumb moment here but I don't understand what you mean by this. Are you just talking about seeing people who ascribe to this sort of definition around occasionally?... Just... walking in public?.. At parties? ... Not sure what you're driving at... ?
There is a group that we see at the clubs from time to time. No one in particular, the group changes from time to time.
Generally they are new to the scene. Generally they tend to be younger, slimmer, doubtless attractive people. But distinctly they are aloof and clearly very impressed with themselves.
We have nothing against people who look after themselves. We try very hard to do the same. But that in itself doesn't make us any different to anyone else.
By mentioning it I'm trying to draw out a few comments ... I'm sure with this extra bit people will know the group/s I mean.
I should say too, that we met some people on the weekend who could definitely fit in to this category but they were lovely people, physically very attractive but not aloof at all. There are always exceptions to my generalisations of course!
We have had a few parties at our house...probably one every 4 months. Whenever we have a party we always make a theme, and we find that most people who Come along dressed up, have the best times. To date we have had 1. a Toga party (lots of wardrobe malfunctions there hehehe!) 2. Lingerie...pretty obvious and 3. Sexy Santa being our Christmas party. We agree with your comments about going the extra mile in that regard, because we the think people who make an effort to dress up in theme for the night, somehow let their inhibitions go a lot more readily, and that makes for a fabulous night for them and others usually.
Another side of the coin to going the extra mile, is in regard to "giving". A group of us have discussed the idea of "givers" and "takers". Some people are dual! We think that if you can do a bit of both, it always makes for a lot more fun....going the extra mile...giving rather than just taking, can be as satisfying, but we do know people who tend to be the takers. Hmmm, maybe they are sometimes the current "in" crowd that you refer to Luke.
Regardless, whenever we go to a function, we do tend to try to "go the extra mile" whether it be dressing up, or just "giving" to others sexually because ultimately, if others have a good time, then we have a good time too. Kharma can be good in the scene. It tends to kind of Rub off on people, like the way positive motivational speakers talk all the time. If you are happy, others around you tend to feel better/happier somehow. If you give, then you are more likely to get! Maybe we are getting a little bit too psychological and analytical here, but we find it really can work.
right... well I have no idea I guess! Especially since I don't live in Sydney where there appear to be a plethora of clubs to go to unlike Brissy.
I agree though. If you take the time to care about people then it's bound to be a better experience but connection is definitely about personality too - particularly sense of humour! If I don't click with someone on that level, it's over!
As for the pretty group who seem clearly impressed with themselves - I'm sure there are plenty that fit in this category BUT, in the defense of younger, skinny people that are new to the scene, I will suggest that maybe some are cagey due to nerves and just a lack of understanding as to how the whole scene works?
Anyway, don't want this thread to become an opportunity to just bash 'young, skinny people' so I'm stickin' up for 'em.
Oh no. Wasn't implying you were, Luke! Just worried the thread could turn into a bashing session so just wanted to say something to help prevent it.
Back to the thread, the thing I love about good swingers is how they DO make an effort to look nice and be hygienic, etc!! I mean, being a looker isn't the whole deal. You have to present well.
I was out on Saturday night - just a Vanilla excursion really - and it's amazing how little effort some people put into their appearance when they have a night out.
And I know it's been said before but geez nightclubs are sleazy. Lol Never more apparent than when you're stone-cold sober!!
hmmm being the one in our relationship that is the "mouthy" one, I can say for my part that the ones Luke is referring to are the ones that have been in the Lifestyle for a little while, but actually think they are gods gift to the Swinging world! They are to be seen strutting around and ignoring anyone who is not on their "target" list!
Just like Barbie and Ken we have often seen them make a stunning visual but they also tend to be plastic in actions and speech and have no idea what "fun" is. They think Others are there purely to look at them, and then they ask Luke and I, "why does no one Play with us..."
Well my lovelies it is because you have no idea about lifes values and also have no idea about give and take.
While my soap box is out....
It is so nice when people make time for you and respect you for what and who you are. We try and give people our best and yes! We deserve the same in return.
We recently found a couple where the woman would only play with her Hubby and the Hubby will play with everyone... to me that stinks but each to their own - but thats one couple we won't be Playing with.
If someone is sharing their biggest prize with you, please bear in mind that their biggest prize is a gift to be handled well and also to be treasured. Any woman that cannot see what a prize I have will not be sharing it.
We are quite an experienced couple and have alot of time for everyone.
Connections can come down to an array of points. Look, first and foremost from the first moment there is always a physical attraction which is called a connection, then comes the lifestyle attitude eg. where you are at in your own personal journey and where your headed, personality traits eg. outgoing, funny, more conservative etc, comfortability amongst the clan, these I class ALL as characteristics to the "CONNECTION".
I always (and people that know us) make myself available for chit chats, be it indepth or otherwise. I find that I learn alot from all different people but that doesnt say that I have a connection with everyone.
The more ticks next to the connection checklist, the better time we are all going to have. Especially the girls!!! If it wasnt for the chicky's connection your not going to get very far straight or Bisexual
Now for the Experienced or Non Experienced & #34;YouCantTouchThis
" grouping. I too have seen plenty of these couples, either at the different clubs or mostly in the party scene. Look its totally up to them what they do/say/and be with, As do I. As the female of the "hot couple" hehehehe, I certainly still make time to go out of my way to at least say hello because you would be very surprised how alot of these couples are confused why people dont at least say howdy! Try it... they are not untouchable!
That's why we love you Nick - you say hello to everyone - even us!
But you don't you get the sense sometimes that you are just not going to have good time with a particular couple ... they are in it for what they can get.
For example hypothetically if you and I were together, I would make it my number one priority to be sure you are having the best time you could. As I'm sure you would for me.
I'm just not sure everyone's heart is in the same place as good people like you two.
Okay some people are out for what they can get but usually within the first 10mins or so of the checklist of "connection suitability" you can pick up on those particular types of people. Brad has a knack at it (so to speak).
Suppose alot comes down to experience. Dont get me wrong we have had a few in our time in the early part. But fortunately havent had that happen for a very very long time.
Hypothetically, You guys have the same outlook, personality that we do and I am sure that we would make it our darnest to make sure that we were all happy peoples! Only one thing......
OK, I want some of you to spell out what you mean with some of these things you're saying. lol
You're all saying that you'd prefer that people who have no interest in playing with you still say hello?? Wouldn't that be perceived as possibly leading another couple on?
paula wrote:
They are to be seen strutting around and ignoring anyone who is not on their "target" list!
Paula - do you mean people who give you the cold shoulder if you extend some sort of greeting OR, do you mean people who just don't bother to go round saying hello to everyone??
Also, are these people saying that no one will play with them OR that they can't find those they're interested in. I do think there is a big difference.
Hot4U wrote:
I certainly still make time to go out of my way to at least say hello because you would be very surprised how alot of these couples are confused why people dont at least say howdy! Try it... they are not untouchable!
Hot4U - so these couples that complain that no one is saying hi - are they ken and barbies? AND are they obviously not making any effort at all to mingle?
luke wrote:
But you don't you get the sense sometimes that you are just not going to have good time with a particular couple ... they are in it for what they can get.
For example hypothetically if you and I were together, I would make it my number one priority to be sure you are having the best time you could. As I'm sure you would for me.
Luke - what is not being 'in for what they can get'? I mean.. everyone IS hunting for a couple they're attracted to so... I'm not sure what you mean by this.
Also, you say to Nick 'if you and I were together' - what do you mean? As swinging partners for the night OR, as two couples who have decided they'd like to play together OR two couples who are just talking on the floor and sussing each other out?
Sorry about this massive question post, guys. That's why I've addressed questions to particular posters but feel free to answer whatever question I'm very curious. Haven't had any experience in clubs yet.
Petit - emphasis on the they. We've seen situations where people will put themselves in a situation where they are the centre of attention - everyone is expected to blow/f'ck/finger/wank them. But when it comes to 'helping' anyone else it's not happening.
Or another typical example is the guy who expects your wife to go down on him but his own wife makes a half hearted effort or no effort at all.
But let's not dwell on the negatives. In contrast to this is the person you meet who is exotic, sexual charged and you just know that apart from your partner sex with them could potentially be the best sex you ever have.
---
By together with Nick I meant naked, intertwined and in ectasy! (Hypothetically - anything else would be way too presumptuous)
Just reading this conversation .. We are fairly new to this lifestyle, in fact we had our first experience at entertaining a lifestyle couple in our own Home this weekend.
The amount of fun both parties had preparing for our intimate party; dressing up, planning the tasty treats (knowing dessert was to be licked from the Ladies bodies) was well worth it.
The smiles on everybody's faces the next morning were a wonderful reward, and we agreed to play again soon. We all were givers, we all received, it was balanced.
In contrast and on the very same night, dear friends we made at Swingfest up north drove 2 hours to be greeted by a husband in an old faded t shirt and a wife in flannelette pjs who clearly did not want to play. After a disappointing evening they were ushered out the door the next morning without even the offer of a Cup of tea. Our friends had given yet the others had given little. No one was really happy.
We definitely agree the amount of effort put in is in proportion to the enjoyment that comes out.
"Paula - do you mean people who give you the cold shoulder if you extend some sort of greeting OR, do you mean people who just don't bother to go round saying hello to everyone??
Also, are these people saying that no one will play with them OR that they can't find those they're interested in. I do think there is a big difference."
No, I am talking about the Ken and Barbie duo that actually say to others "Oh there is nothing here for US tonight so we are going elsewhere". We had one couple come to the club and they were told this by a Ken and Barbie. The lady from this couple is so lovely and her Man was furious. They make every effort to talk to anyone and everyone and they were very upset about this remark, visibly upset as I went over to talk to them and they told me what Ken and Barbie had said! I told them people like them were only interested in fucking and not the fun and not to worry about it.
We have the attitude of having fun - as most people who know us know - we don't often play at the club and if we do more often than not it is just Luke and I having fun.. so as to the knockback question - we just don't care if that happens (as yet it hasn't anyway!)
To answer your question further - the Ken and Barbie couples often go home early as you can sense within a second t5hat they are there fdor the wrong reasons - we always go and say hello but often the conversation is such that we find it to tedious to continue and introduce them to another Ken and Barbie couple!
We are lucky in that the Lotus do not suffer from the K and B syndrome too much, we find they tend to come, get bored and go again - seems intelligent conversation is not their thing at all!
K and B seem to think (remember this my opinion)that all swingers are there for their own good and I have seen a K and B go up and play with another couple and want nothing more than to be "played with", the couple I am thinking of do this everytime - they lay back and take take take... fun eh!
One couple I know even said afterwards they woul;d never ever play with this couple again as they were not fun, didnt speak once upstairs, lay there expectantly and gave NOTHING in return.. it is a shame as people like this really need to just go to a bar and "hook up" - we do not need them in this lifestyle.
Just for informations sake - the K and B scenario is also to be found in ANY age group - not just young people. We saw alot of it in the USA too.
In contrast and on the very same night, dear friends we made at Swingfest up north drove 2 hours to be greeted by a husband in an old faded t shirt and a wife in flannelette pjs who clearly did not want to play.
This is a story we've heard more than once ! Generally this sort of stuff happens when you meet a couple off a dating site and havent spent any 'face' time with them before you go to their house. Its a common mistake we reckon, as you think the other couple are as excited and will go to the same lengths as you to impress !!! As you can see from this discussion - this is not always the case.
The answer for us has been to only meet people at clubs... Then the night can never be Wasted for either if they don't 'connect' with you.
We've met some corker people in this scene, and the best ways have been clubs and referrals. If your good mates have a good opinion about someone, generally you'll form the same opinion about them.
Well..........sometimes
Take care
p.s. as an addendum. We've met a few couples who have given us the 'cold shoulder' when trying to have a chat too them at clubs. Good looking people too, but with little in common intellectualy. We've heard the 'there is nothing that takes our fancy' comment too...... and you know what ? Most of the couples guilty of this, are not even together anymore.
Hmmmmmmmmmm, there is something in that for all of us methinks.
Hot
4U - so these couples that complain that no one is saying hi - are they ken and barbies? AND are they obviously not making any effort at all to mingle?
Well to answer your question some of them do, some of them dont. We have 2 types of B & K's The ones as you say are quite nurotic if their is noone (to them) worthy of playing with their plastic bits or take and close their eyes with their arms rested behind their heads! (seen those too). Or their are ones like me (hehehehehehe ). Nah seriously their are about 60% I rekon that are totally cool and are as HOT as Chilli!. Alot of these ones when I first met them were quite and nearvous even if it wasnt their first time. All I was saying is there is noooo harm in saying hello to the K & B in the lifestyle....
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If you take the time to care about people then it's bound to be a better experience but connection is definitely about personality too - particularly sense of humour! If I don't click with someone on that level, it's over!
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