More commonly referred to as “OMG… What do I do now???”
This is a list of dot points to bear in mind before You embark on your first, second, and maybe 15th Lifestyle experience. Even after 70 or so events we have still learnt something from our friends.
www.mrnmsbhaven.com posted this guide on their site. It is a bit like The show notes for Episode 4 of their podcast. It is so damn good that we asked their permission to reprint it here.
You really should listen to their show because they clarify some of the contentious points in the audio.
-- The Guidelines --
Bring your ID and know the Entry age: Ages will vary around the world. In the US, the age is 21. Bring your ID. You will be asked to prove it!
No cameras or recording devices: These items are NEVER allowed in a club. Since most cell phones now double as a camera most clubs also prohibit them. Leave it in the car. Besides, who do you really need to talk to? Wouldn’t you be waiting at Home by the phone if it was that important? Some bar meets do allow cameras. Some couples may allow you to take their picture. ALWAYS ask permission before taking pictures or using these pictures in any fashion. Discretion and privacy are the rule not the exception.
Privacy: What you see, what you hear, and what happens stays at the club/event/party. Names, numbers, addresses etc… are Private information. If your partners chose to share this with you then it is for you alone. Giving out the club address is always a NO-NO.
Sex & Money: It is illegal to offer or receive any form of compensation for sexual favors of any kind. Don’t even joke or pretend regarding this subject. Again, another area where clubs can get into serious legal trouble. Don’t Do It!
Have Fun:
Approach your adventure with a positive attitude and a sense of humor. You may be nervous but you’ll have a much better time if you just enjoy it for what it is and have fun. Keep expectations to a minimum. You never know what will or won’t happen. The sure fire way to not be disappointed is to not expect certain events to happen.
Be Yourself: People are interested in YOU, so relax and be yourself. It’s OK to let your hair down.
Dress decently and be clean: Most clubs have a dress code. Follow it. Swinging is just like dating. Please make yourself presentable. If you really want to bring what could be an intimate evening to a screeching halt, DON’T SHOWER or BRUSH YOUR TEETH. We keep a little “hygiene kit” in the car. Being well dressed and good hygiene are not a turn off. Your clothes, hygiene, friendliness, personality, respectfulness and attitude are far more important than the size of your tits or Cock!
Illegal Drugs are NOT tolerated: There is a concensus of Zero Tolerance. Clubs can and will lose their license/operating permit. You will more than likely be expelled if you are caught with these items. You will more than likely never be allowed back.
BYOB: Some clubs offer a bar. Some clubs are BYOB. Some clubs do not allow alcohol at all. Ask the club or host before you attend what their policy is. If it is BYOB, then clearly label your own bottles. Never use or take something that is not yours. (Friendly tip: If your club has a bartender, get to know them. They can be very useful in breaking the ice, reminding you of names, making introductions, and giving you tips/hints about regulars. Tip them well if allowed.)
Drinking is best done in MODERATION: Large quantities of alcohol DO NOT make you sexier or funnier, it only makes you drunk. Too much alcohol may affect your sexual performance and has been known to make erections difficult.
Smoking:
Smoking is allowed at some clubs and events and may have a segregated area of some form. This is again another area where you may want to consider courtesy to those around you. We all know it doesn’t make us attractive. There may be couples who DO NOT wish to Play with you because you smoke. Sorry, it’s a fact.
Be courteous to the feelings of those that don’t smoke. Try to take your habit away from those who don’t. I advise that you do not take it for granted that those around you smoke. If you must smoke, keep mints, gum, and (my personal favorite) Listerene on hand. Many clubs offer mouth wash. Use it if you want a kiss.
Personally, I recommend that all smokers take their habit outside. Before you get pissy about this advice, please be aware that I am a smoker. I don’t want to freeze or sweat any more than you do. I do however, prefer not to smell and taste like smoke any more than I have to. Remember, perfume tastes BAD and nobody wants to kiss an ashtray (even us smokers).
Abusive, Foul, or Sexually intoned Lingo is not welcome: Please try to remember we are all here to have a good time. Not everyone appreciates vulgarity. It’s ok to tell someone they are HOT. It’s not ok to be lude about it and it’s never ok to be mean for any reason. Always try to be aware of other peoples comfort levels. Everyone is an adult individual worthy of respect. Abuse, aggression, or disrespect will not be tolerated at any time. Treat others with high regard and you will fit in.
They too may also be new: Remember, not everyone you see is experienced. You may meet some other Newbies.
No Judgement: Do not judge others. What is good for you may not be good for them. This does not make you an expert or give you the Right to determine that they are wrong.
Do not stare or ogle at others or try to butt into a group: Remember, within a club there may be closed circles which only allow entry to a newbie if they appear compatible. We all try to be open and welcoming but, just like real life, we may have a group that we are most comfortable with. It may take some time for us to open up. Just because we’re out and about doesn’t automatically make us social butterflies!
NO means NO: Anyone has the right to refuse your advances as you have the right to refuse theirs. Do not expect or ask for an explination. If your advances are declined, do not ask again, do not pressure, do not coerce.
The most important person in the club is the person you came with: This is about you and your S/O. No one at the club/event is going to be around tomorrow. It is NOT ok to take your drunk S/O out to the car so they can sober up while you go back in to enjoy yourself. Respect the one your with. If you don’t respect them, the odds are you will not be enjoying the lifestyle for long.
Communicate in advance: Discuss scenarios with you S/O PRIOR to them happening. If there are certain sexual activities in which you do not wish to see your partner engage don’t wait until it is happening! Discuss it ahead of time, Come to a consensus, and you will avoid uncomfortable situations and drama. Be CLEAR. If you cannot communicate with your S/O, you should not be in the situation you just placed yourself in.
Leave the DRAMA at the door: Couples or singles who cannot get along or who disrupt the festive atmosphere are not welcome. No one enjoys being put into the middle of your disagreement. If there is a point that you simply need to disagree about, stop the play (in a respectful manner) and take your conversation OUTSIDE. Few things can ruin an evening like a couple arguing next to you while you’re trying to play.
It’s a Woman’s game: Women ARE psychic. They KNOW the outcome BEFORE men. Trust us. It is the rule that women make the rules. Men, STFU and let the women lead! Women on the hunt are sexy. Men, not so much.
Unescorted Individuals: Most clubs or events do not allow unescorted individuals into the play rooms. From our experience females are allowed most anywhere at anytime. If you are a guy however (married or not) you usually have to be with a female to get into the play areas. No one ever said it had to be the person you came with, just that you have to be escorted.
Touching and physical advances: It is disrespectful to touch ANYONE without that persons expressed permission. Ask BEFORE you touch. You may find yourself leaving early if you forget this rule. Women, this applies to you too!
How to approach a couple: Always respect and acknowledge the fact that they are a couple. Never hit on a lady while ignoring her husband. Approach BOTH of them. Talk to BOTH of them. By gaining the respect and confidence of BOTH of them, you may have a great experience. Piss off EITHER of them and you have NO chance.
The Guidelines (AKA Rules): It’s a good idea to ask potential partners what their guidelines are. It’s a great idea to ask them BEFORE you play. Remember, what you are comfortable doing, they may not be so comfortable with and vice versa. You will all have a better time if all expectations are clear. In our experience, the women usually discuss these issues in a private setting (strangely enough it’s always been the lavatory for us).
Respect the limits & feelings of others: If you notice your partner(s) seem to be uneasy, STOP and let them decide whether to continue or not. Do not try to persuade or coerce them. Even experienced lifestylers may have their moments of discomfort. If you are not interested in a situation or group or you change your mind you have every right to say NO or to stop the play. Explinations are uneccesary most of the time.
Safe Sex is the best Sex: Most clubs offer condoms but it is a good idea to bring your own and keep some on hand. This is of course a personal choice but anyone’s decision should be politely accepted. This is a subject that should be discussed with any potential partners PRIOR to play time.
Do not take it personally: If an individual is having performance issues it may not be because of you. Many factors affect performance. Nerves, alcohol, distractions, and yes even having to pause to put on a Condom can have this effect. As a female it may be hurtful to our pride if a male partner is unable to get or maintain an erection. Give them a break Ladies. They may have a lot on their other mind.
Doors, Curtains, and PRIVACY: Most clubs/events have a privacy policy of some form. These may vary extremely. The general rule is, if a door is closed or a curtain is pulled then DO NOT DISTURB the occupants. Respect the fact that they want a little privacy. Sometimes, no matter how HOT something is, it takes a little concentration. Other times, some of us just want to be able to relax and enjoy the moment without watchers.
Afterwards: Thank your partners. A little “thank you, that was nice” and perhaps a drink or snack after play, can make for quite a nice ending to what was hopefully a fabulous experience.
How to watch: Things you need to know as an observer are: 1: DO NOT TOUCH without permission. 2: Save your comments until later. 3: Pointing and Play by Play are RUDE. 4: Do not crowd the participants. 5: If you aren’t Playing, do not take up play space. 6: Try not to interrupt others when they are busy. 7: Conversation should be kept to a minimum. If you must converse, WHISPER. No one wants to hear how well your favorite team did at the top of your voice while they’re getting a blow job! 8: Some clubs may require you to be nude or scantily clad to get into play areas.
Don’t Freak Out: It’s rare, but it happens. You may run into someone you know at an event/club. You may see others you’ve met at an event/club outside in the “real world”. Some take great measures to prevent this. Some, don’t really see it as an issue. If this happens to you, DO NOT FREAK OUT! We all want discretion and courtesy. If you see someone you know (either out in public or at an event) a simple nod and smile will do. If you’re at the club/event there is no need to hide or run away. We’re all there for similar reasons. Perhaps a nice hi will do. You may even get a nice laugh out of it together. It is NEVER ok to approach a couple in public and remind them who you are and where you met unless they have given you PRIOR permission to do so. Remember, what happens at the club stays at the club.
The Hosts cannot fix a situation if they don’t know about it: If there is an issue, talk to the club/event hosts. They aren’t mind readers (unless one is a woman) and cannot correct something they don’t know about.
Refunds don’t happen: Once you are admitted there are usually no refunds. If you do not like what you see, expect to call it a night and take the loss.
Always Follow the Rules: Each club/event/party/venue and host may have their own specific rules. Follow them. There is no quicker way to find yourself escorted out of a club and not allowed to return than breaking house rules.
You
Sex & Money: 
Illegal Drugs are NOT tolerated:
Smoking: 
Leave the DRAMA at the door:
Safe Sex is the best Sex:
Refunds don’t happen: