A while back I read a post on one of The forums from a couple who seemed to be having trouble because they were too young.

We often meet young couples at the club and seem to shy away from them. There is No particular reason why young couples should have any less fun than people closer to our own age. So why then is It a recurrent theme?

A while back we wrote down what we saw as the typical profile of a lifestyle couple . Notice the typical age group around 35 - 45?

So where does that put You if you are in your early 20's? We pride ourselves on being inclusive. We would NEVER exclude anyone just because they were that young.

I'm not speaking for anyone else here, but we have one particular bias - we won't Play with anyone who is around our kid's age. No particular reason again, just a personal bias.

Does the bias Come from a lack of experience? Yes, in part.

There is no substitute for an additional 20 years experience. 20 years to get to know yourself. We are not saying that all 22 years olds are inexperienced or in some way incompetent. Just that 42 year olds are 20 years more experienced. There are 22 year olds out there that think 42 year olds are starting to get boring!

On the subject of boring, in general the older people have less trouble with alcohol. Perhaps they just can't cope with the hangovers any more. Our experience is that if someone loses it and gets really really drunk, more often than not they are quite young.

Perhaps young people could argue that they don't need to go to a couples club for a bit of extra curricular activity. They have the advantage at their stage of life they can pretty much have sex with whomever they want. The have the advantage of having less flabby bits, less middle age spread, less wrinkles. No dispute about that. But guess what - I kinda like a mummy tummy and all the things that make girls close to my age what they are.

What about the play? This is only our experience. Perhaps we haven't met the Right young people yet. But by a country mile, the most fun we have ever had is with people close to our own age group. Why? Possibly older people have a kind of self confidence that you lack when you are young. I know I did.

Indisputably, if young people look after themselves, they will have more stamina. They can play longer, harder, stronger. The key is - if they look after themselves. I know quite a few people who are fitter at 40 than they ever were at 20. It just depends on the individual and not a general class of people of a particular age.

I think the dating services do young people a great disservice. Invariably the fake profiles they set up are for people in their early twenties. Perhaps they think we'll be better fooled or more interested in people in that demographic. Either way, the fake profiles aren't fooling anyone. We do get jaded seeing profiles for all these 24/26 year old couples which are obviously fake.

There is also a perception that young people's own relationship is less stable. You can't argue against the logic. A couple who've been together for 18 or twenty years are in a stable relationship. Not necessarily more stable than a couple who are at year 2 of a 20 year relationship. But you can rest assured they are completely happy together.

Really it doesn't matter how old you are.

What is important is your attitude. If you are out to have a good time then you most likely will. If you are 45 and have the attitude of a 25 year old then people will appreciate it. If you are 25 and have the attitude of a 45 year old then you'll have a whole bunch of 45 year olds chasing you. Anyone can be classy and sophisticated regardless of their age.

What do you think?

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Swingfest   | Author | 2008-03-20 18:43:16 Whilst its generally flattering to get winks and messages from couples in their 20's on the Dating sites, we always always say thanks but no thanks. Our experiences over the years with much younger couples have always been a disaster. We find people 30+ have more life experiences, and you have more in common etc. They are more likely to have Kids too and understand the pressures that can put on your 'hobby'. Thats our take on it. Cheers L & W Reply | Quote You need to be logged in to vote

Epodec   | Editor | 2008-03-20 22:49:43 My wife and I are 31. So technically we're still below the "mean" age. We started at 21 though. We've actually "instructed" couples in their 40's the "rules" of Swinging, since we were 26. The couple that are our "soulmates" in the "slip" article I wrote are in their mid 40's. So there's roughly a 15 year difference between us. They started swinging 2 years ago, we started swinging 10 years ago, they've learned alot about the Lifestyle from us and have really enjoyed it. To claim that "ALL" 20 somethings are just too inexperienced is just wrong. While we had many road blocks and speed bumps as we began swinging in our 20's we found that for the most part we were MORE sexually experienced than 90% of the "older" couples we met. Many of them had 1 or 2 partners prior to starting swinging while between the two of us we had 15 partners when we met at 19. Ya we were Sluts (and still are.) Now that we're nearing the "mean" we won't reject a couple based on age. We'll more likely reject someone based on maturity. We've been called "old souls" by many of the people we've know because we don't even act like we're 31. To simply "pass" on someone because of their age, in my opinion is "ageism." We've played with several "20 somethings" in the last year and while yes they do have issues we've long since overcome, it's how they handle them that determines their maturity, no THAT they have them. We have seen 50 year olds handle the emotional turmoil that comes with beginning swinging considerably worse than many of the 20 somethigs we know. As to the "mean" age. When we started it was "averaged" anywhere between 48 and 58!!! Think how YOUNG we felt.. There's a reason that the mean has dropped more than a decade in the last decade, it's because younger people are maturing faster. -J Reply | Quote You need to be logged in to vote

Luke   | Super Administrator | 2008-03-20 23:10:16 I hope I didn't offend J. I had no idea you were such a spring chicken - I could nearly have kids I don't know of that are your age. I agree with everything you said, by the way. Ageism is nasty and the older I get the nastier it seems! We are doing everything to promote the lifestyle among younger couples because I think it adds a dimension to people's relationships that is missing. I often find myself saying 'if I only knew then what I know now'. My only regret (although I have none) is that I didn't meet Paula nearly 30 years ago ... Reply | Quote You need to be logged in to vote

Epodec   | Editor | 2008-03-21 01:46:57 No offence was taken, in fact the article made me laugh. The reason being is that about 2 years ago a "age killed" net hookup came back to haunt the couple who rejected us. We were on SLS and found this couple about 10 years old than us (I think they were 37 and 42), we were 28. They had a reasonably attractive and well written Profile as well as some attractive photos, that were not the "standard lude" pics most poeple put. I wrote them a polite letter stating that we'd like to chat with them and see if we were compatible for a meeting. They replied, "Sorry we don't play with puppies you're just too young." I'd heard it plenty of times before and just shrugged it off. About 3 months later we were working the door and giving tours at the club we attend as the management was busy. I had since dropped off SLS as I found it worthless. Well the couple that completely snubbed us walked in the door. Since my wife was giving tours and had started complaining about her feet hurting I offered to change positions and let her handle the desk while I gave tours. (Yes I had malice of intent.) I gave them a tour and was 100% polite and professional. They admitted to having been curious but never adventured into play. So I gave them a "run down" on the lifestyle as a whole. They went off and danced and had a few drinks. The management came back and took their club back over so my wife and I could mingle. My wife thought the lady was hot (as I knew she would when I saw them on SLS.) So she went out and danced with her. They got "buddy buddy" and I sat and watched. The husband started to dance with the girls, and it was obvious they were getting interested. They came over and talked for a while; we had some things in common (something else I already knew from SLS.) The night passed and they finally got up the courage to ask (in the newbie way) if we'd be willing to play. (They approached my wife, aparently I'm intimidating.) My wife came over and asked me for my input. I got a piece of paper from the desk and wrote out my answer. "Thank you for your offer. I regret to inform you that although we find you intresting, have multiple things in common, and think you're attractive, that we simply can't play with you." "We simply don't have time to 'train' elderly novice couples who just now figured out the lifestyle is a good idea. We do not play on the first meeting, as we've found this leads to complications later on. We also have great difficulty Playing with people who refer to us as 'puppies' simply because they saw our age on SLS. Sincerely, (our SLS handle) My wife read the note and busted up laughing.. "That's THEM?!?" I grinned. At this point she was laughing so hard tears were comming out of her eyes. She delivered the note, still giggling knowing what a smart ass I am. She informed them to take my 'rejection' with a grain of salt. The rest of the night he apologized to me some 15 or so times, saying he was "unaware" that someone so young could actually be an intellectual, polite, caring person and that he'd hoped he'd not offended me. After I felt he had groveled enough I told him we were interested in being friends and although our "dance card" was more than full there was no telling what the future held. Ultimately they're still our friends. Since that night they've gained considerable experience in the lifestyle. While we've never played with them, nor intend to at this point, they did learn a valuable lesson in that they really should evaluate thier "rules" as it pertains to who they will play with as there's a good chance they'll miss a quality couple. I know a lot of people who have been hurt in the lifestyle by agism, raceism and sizeism. It's a shame that an "open" lifestyle occasionally has people who simply cannot see the forest for the trees. I know I'm an ass, but the point had to be made to them, and I had plotted it from the moment they walked in the door and stared down my wifes dress. --J Reply | Quote You need to be logged in to vote

Luke   | Super Administrator | 2008-03-21 01:40:23 Great story and quite to the point - you really should have a blog on here! Email me ... please ??? Reply | Quote You need to be logged in to vote

Epodec   | Editor | 2008-03-21 02:00:52 Emailed. --J Reply | Quote You need to be logged in to vote

Epodec   | Editor | 2008-03-20 23:05:27 Quote: You can't argue against the logic. A couple who've been together for 18 or twenty years are in a stable relationship. Not necessarily more stable than a couple who are at year 2 of a 20 year relationship. But you can rest assured they are completely happy together. I can and I will Luke. My wife and I, together since we were 19 (so 11 years) are considered the "most stable couple" in our social circle. We don't fight, argue, bicker, or have any major problems. We have a scheduled "disagreement" over laundery and dishes every week. Everything else is a mature conversation, a well thought out organized conversation. The LEAST stable couple we know is almost 60! They've been together over 35 years. They fight, get drunk, argue, have the most insane rules I've ever heard of (she isn't allowed to Cum with anyone but him) WTF? Age is not equal to Stability. Financially of course a couple established and having bought and sold several houses is more "stable" in that sense. Emotional stability, I have to vehimently disagree. I think younger people are learning that "posession" in a relationship doesn't work. The 50% plus divorce rate (of the "mean aged" generation) has taught us that the methodology they chose didn't work. We've learned from their mistakes. Really old (not being mean) couples who remember the depression had a different take than the "baby boomers" did on relationships. Depression couples stayed together out of absolute financial and social necessity. The baby boomers became "mobile" and "free" but forced the "necessities" their parents needed on their marital values. The baby boomers kids (my wife an I) saw our parents go through 2 - 5 marriages repeating the same mistakes based on "their values." Sometimes it was monogamy, sometimes it was money management, but it always was becaused modern communication didn't "jive" with the "depression" ways their parents taught. We've evolved passed that and in many cases are more stable than our predicessors. This of course is not always the case, but my mothers "goal" with me was to be "version 2.0" better than the original. My wife and I, while only married for 3 years, our whole relationship has lasted to be only 3 years short of where my parents got divorced. It would take a small nuke to separate us in the next three years. We "might" fall out of love some day, but it won't be the violent explosion that my parents had, they didn't know how to communicate in the 80's and didn't evolve past the 1930's mentalities my grandparents had. Knowledge has evovled, and learning has evolved creating a youth base that is far more "intellectually and emotionally" stable than the baby boomers were. There are of course "one off's" that simply don't get the clue, but on the whole kids today are freakishly well educated and amazingly fast learners. The information age has spread more than simple "media" garbage. Scientific articles and educational materials are easier to get than ever before and teenagers today RESEARCH relationships because they can without embarassment (no librarian to give them a dirty look, no book store jerk to ask "are you old enough for this" they have the freedom to experiment with their knowledge before they jump in and try and swim. --j Reply | Quote You need to be logged in to vote

Luke   | Super Administrator | 2008-03-20 23:19:09 Youch! You are right in what you say. Time does not necessarily guarantee stability. Paula and I have been together 7 years (married 6) and like you are very stable, despite both having been unhappily married before. [Shit! 7 years - it seems like only a few months] BUT We have friends who have been together for 20 years. Like anything, you have ups and downs, but if you do something for that long you will get damn good at it. My folks have been together nearly 50! But their relationship is different. I suppose that's the point. Everyone's relationship is different. Time served doesn't necessarily equal quality, but I think it has to be a fair indication, especially in 2008 when there is no real pressure to stay in an unhappy relationship. Reply | Quote You need to be logged in to vote

MsBhaven - What's Left?     | Editor | 2008-03-24 12:52:12 I'd respond here but I think you have it pretty well under control. Ms B Reply | Quote You need to be logged in to vote

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