We have met a few single Ladies in our time both Swinging and as a single woman myself and i have found them all to be a little "out there".
I should explain, For one thing why would a single woman want to go to a couples club at all? Surely It is easier to "pick up" at a Vanilla bar or club? I have heard that they feel safer and that they are assured of getting sex in a couples club. Is there more attraction in picking up a couple than a single guy/girl?
A long time ago i was asked by an ex if i fancied a night with him and his girlfriend. I was The single girl in this situation. I did fancy the idea, and we did. It was the most boring night ever. There was one memorable incident that i would love to re create but that's it! Afterwards it was awkward . Maybe we were all just too young to understand what had occurred - and maybe i was doing it for "old times sake".
A lot of the single girls I've met in couples clubs told me of their "addictive" natures. Whether it be drugs, drink or men. They seemed to revel in talking about their addictions. Most of them loved to tell tales about their sexual prowess.
I can hear people getting all cross already! But what i mean, is, they seem to have a need for telling You everything they have ever done - even the gross stories. We all have funny stories to tell about sexual disasters. Most pf the single girls I meet are delighted in sharing everything in the first half hour.
Another thing Unicorns do (not all of them) is to drink, have another drink and then have a few more. I know we have all been guilty of this. But maybe the drunkenness and the sex go together. I find it a bit off-putting because fuelled up and raring to go, sometimes they they launch themselves at you or hubby.
Watching some inexperienced Unicorns can be fun. Often they go from couple to couple, mostly chatting to the male while the women either:
a) Get really pissed off b) Laugh and the single gets pissed off and moves on c) Tells the Single to move on
So why do they do it? It's all cool with me, I am not against single females in clubs at all. Yes we do want to chat but at the end of the day, you have TWO people to win over not one!
Don't get me wrong, I am not saying we say No to a threesome. I get a little afraid of the full on, balls to the wall way it seems to happen?
My opinion is that, in some cases a single girl in a couples club has is there because of issues. Often it seems to me they have addictive natures and this extends to their own sexuality - they want to be admired, pandered to and even lusted over but actually have no idea how to get from where they are to where they want to be. Girls? it's easy, be yourself, work the room, say hi to everyone and you will find the Right couple for you, or maybe you wont, maybe they will say no - do not treat a "no" as a slap in the face (now that scene was hilarious) and do not give the reluctant couple a hard time or shout at them - you just look silly if you do.
I have seen one or two nice unicorns surrounded by Couples too - shame we didnt get to talk to them, would love to get their point of view - I know a few couples have and continue to have good relationships with single females - these people seem to be in the minority - so if you know, or indeed are, a Unicorn let us know what you think!
By the way - what started this rant?
A message we received from a Unicorn, she asked what we see unicorns as?
Well this is what we see - anyone else have the same spectacles we do?
Funny. The Google ad that came up with this article was "The Lemon Detox Diet: Start The Master Cleanse Today In 10 Day (sic) You'll Feel Reborn" .
Do they mean that ten days of bugger all to eat and a good shit will cure these unicorns? Or is it some kind of Master/Submissive thing -give your Master an enema and within 10 days he'll teach you a lesson you won't forget, starting with a good flogging. The mind boggles.
So what word or combination in the article made Google display this advert? Mostly likely it was "addictive" and "addiction", a theme running through it? That seems to say something about the type of people who will pay for an instant cure to their problems, such as another diet, a shot of heroin or another drink. Anything to avoid a bit of painful psychotherapy.
So I tend to agree with Paula that a proportion of the unicorns are seeking to find solace in a swingers club. Perhaps they would find a more appropriate forum in a 12 Step Program such as Sex Anonymous where at meetings they can tell their stories.
Hmm! We haven't had many encounters with single females. We don't really seek them out but the ones we've met have also seemed a little 'out there' as Paula has put it.
Thing is, we don't really consider single women encounters to be a swinging kind of situation anyway but we know that the 3some fantasy is really popular so we assume that's why they're welcomed into the Lifestyle.
I don't think I'd really fancy approaching couples myself if I were single. As you say - it is a case of 2 against 1 and I don't like the imbalance in numbers.
In the end, we don't have a problem with 'unicorns'. We don't think that they're inherently aversive but they don't rank higher on our list than couples (as I guess a REAL unicorn would over 2 horses. )
All comes back down to that connection cpl_in_black mentioned somewhere I think. Couple or unicorn or 'Unihorn', we're open to the idea if we can relate to each other on that inexplicable level.
I reckon that being a 'swinger' means you are coupled and that you Play with other couples. That is the fundamental part of it.
Being a swinger entails more than action - it's an attitude to being open to playing with other couples. If it happens that a couple has only played with singles to date, that doesn't mean they're not swingers but if they're not open to playing with couples, they're not swingers.
If you play with singles too that doesn't mean you're not a swinger. However, if you ONLY play with singles, you're not a swinger.
Couples that only play with a couple as a once off and NEVER again are not swingers.
Single people are NOT swingers. However, if they play with couples and go to swinger clubs, THEY ARE part of the lifestyle. They can only be called a 'swinger' if they become part of a couple.
Agree. Pet is defending a 'label' for which we all get criticised from time to time. We have lost friends when they found out we are Sluts so I agree that swinger is a label to be defended.
Why call it swinging at all? It is wrong to discriminate against single people, just as it is wrong to discriminate against, blacks, asians or gays. They have just as much entitlement to play as couples do....they are horny, they want sex in a safe environment....if they are nice they get laid...if not they get nothing. Some of our most fun times have occurred with singles. We also have fun with couples. Why don't we all just call ourselves players, instead of swingers. We are not closed to people who are single...they have a right to multiple partners too. It is far safer to play at a club than to pick up a random at a vanilla club I would have to say aswell!
cp69 is right - there is no need for a name, but names help to understand things. And yes, I agree no one should be discriminated against, but the motivation question is an interesting one ....
? Why do you consider this discrimination at all? There's nothing wrong with having clear definitions, surely.
Swinging is just a term for couples mucking around with couples. This doesn't mean that single people are excluded from the lifestyle, it just creates certainty for a definition.
Swinging doesn't mean "let's exclude single people". It simply denotes couples that play with other couples.
This isn't about defending couples or shunning singles. This is defending LANGUAGE! Lol! We need some CLARITY when we use terms so we know what the Hell people mean. If you give every word a really broad interpretation, you may as well forget that anything has a meaning at all.
(AND I just noticed Luke has said the same thing - names help to understand things. Yes!)
Just in case I am misconstrued, I wish to clarify what I said in my original post:
I think 'swinging' is a term used to denote couples playing with / being open to playing with couples.
I think 'lifestyle' involves swingers and all those who mingle with swingers and participate in all things to do with all things swingy.
And I have *nothing* against singles in the lifestyle but they're simply not 'swingers' unless they become coupled.
(There's nothing that special about the term anyway. I don't know why single people would want to have it so badly!)
It's like marriage - you just don't call yourself 'married' unless you've gone through some recognised ceremony (and possibly registration), right?
I define what our lifestyle choice to be as "swingers", i think the Unicorn label is just that - a label. What they are is simple - single women who like couples - But i do want to know WHY? Why couples?
I have never had one straight answer - the last time I asked i got the answer "why should you care?" The reason is simple curiosity - so why?
Could some of the motivation be that a single woman who plays with a 'strong' couple knows that its just going to be sex ? And that she won't be hassled emotionally afterwards, or worse... stalked ?
We see a lot of single women looking for single guys at Utopia (and other clubs), but very few go there strictly to find couples.
A bar or nightclub generally is filled with Muggles. Most of the people there would NOT be there for the sole purpose of eventually having sex.
Swinging clubs are filled with people who you would think are there to eventually have sex (well mostly... you do on the odd occasion get people who are just exhibitionists, flirts etc)
So a single girl would generally feel safer, and at least know she is probably not going to waste her time chatting to people who don't want her sexually.
Similarly, a single guys attracted to a swingers club, because he knows that he is there for the same reason everyone else is there.
Its only THERE where the lines get blurry from club to club. Some clubs, we call 'fuck clubs' where people really only go to pick up, and then there are the more social ones, where not ALL the people there are that keen to Shag there, and might just be going there to be amongst like minded individuals. At some point of the night though, the conversation will always turn around to sex.
OK here's my 2c. Speaking from complete inexperience being:
a) Not single
b) Not a girl
What motivates a a single girl or Unicorn is this. Being with a couple is her particular thing. That's what turns her crank. She likes chicken and fish and is partial to a little meat too. Variety.
I'm all for it (who wouldn't be).
Here's a bit more also from the outside looking in.
A single girl is more likely to get f.ked properly with a lifestyle couple:
- Both the guy and the girl of the couple are available.
- Most lifestyle people pride themselves in doing the job properly. They take some care.
Plus, she is less likely to have some love sick puppy following her around afterwards. The swinger guy has his wife to follow around afterwards.
Warning - This will upset some readers! 
Ladies
Perhaps they would find a more appropriate forum in a 12 Step Program such as Sex Anonymous where at meetings they can tell their stories. 
) 
Couple or unicorn or '
I say nuffin 