Or do they?

This from one of our readers:

"One last thing that I would like to touch on is The comment often made that It is the women who run the Swinging scene. I disagree. I think it really depends on who is the dominant sexual partner, and I have seen many combinations of this. Is the dominant partner the woman, the man or is it that rare bird where both are raving nymphos?"

Sure it's something we tell all the new couples. And it's probably good advice too.

Girls seem to take longer to get used to the idea of sharing. Ask any guy "Hey You wanna f*ck each other's wives". (Pretending we actually have any say in the matter). He'll take about 20 milliseconds to think of an answer. What we love about the girls is the 2 hours and upmpteen dozen conversations to Come to the same conclusion.  

So, it makes sense at the get-go to let the girls set the pace. It's polite and thoughtful.

But later as you gain more experience the dynamic can change. Some of the fun experiences we've had have been orchestrated by the guys. We then patiently wait until everyone is comfortable.

Perhaps it's a fiction that the girls control the scene. What do you think?

See also Another Bloody Mars and Venus Story

Do the girls really control the Play?

Yes

No

Varies

Who is the dominant partner in your relationship?

Him

Her

Varies

When will you piss these bloody polls off?

VoteVote

Do the Girls Really Control the Scene? Do the girls really control the play?    No 1   4.55%    Varies 6   27.27%    Yes 15   68.18% Who is the dominant partner in your relationship?    When will you piss these bloody polls off? 0   0%    Her 3   13.64%    Him 7   31.82%    Varies 12   54.55% Number of Voters  : 22 First Vote  : Thursday, 24 April 2008 19:11 Last Vote  : Sunday, 21 June 2009 16:05

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Luke   | Super Administrator | 2008-04-25 00:06:52 Paula pointed out the 'featured' article, despite being in the most prominent position, tends to hide itself. Hopefully this comment will get people talking. Reply | Quote You need to be logged in to vote

raven62   | Registered | 2008-05-12 06:28:31 Sorry, I am not able to talk about this. I have to ask permission from Kitty first. If it's ok with her then I will do a post, but I'll I check the content with her before publishing it. PS: Maybe that's why no one has written about this even after 2 weeks! No-one has permission. Reply | Quote You need to be logged in to vote

Luke   | Super Administrator | 2008-05-12 14:43:59 or no one is game. I wish even one of the girls would come on and say "Yes they do Luke and you should know better". At least that would put an end to it. Reply | Quote You need to be logged in to vote

cumandplay69   | Registered | 2008-05-12 17:43:21 I think it comes back to the old cave man thing. Men want to have sex with as many women as possible, and you guys are the only ones who have been gutsy enough to convince your significant others to let you and in the whole process give the same good grace to your partner. It is a fun scene, but let's face it, it really isn't a female trait to have sex with that many people, (cave women wanted to have the one guy to herself who could kill the most mammoth to provide security for her offspring!) so count yourselves lucky that you have tolerant partners who understand you. Also be aware, that some women in this scene, really do this to keep their men folk happy. Don't get me wrong, I would be bored without the Swing scene, but it is a lot of hard work within a relationship and without to find suitable partners. The men really drive the whole thing and the women simply get to decide who they will play with in many cases....is the bottom line Reply | Quote You need to be logged in to vote

Luke   | Super Administrator | 2008-05-13 09:48:37 Remind me to say more on this 69, but I think you have brought up so many interesting points with your comment. One thing though, the guys are still driven by a desire to find their 'ideal' Mate. I thinks it's a fallacy that guys only criteria are the woman must be female, human and preferably breathing. That's why the over-done (IMO) uber-women like Angelina Jolie are attractive to many men. They have the womanly characteristics in excess quantities. They have a generous serve of the things that characterise an ideal mate for a man. There is also an argument that the promiscuous woman has the greatest chance of genetic success - something to do with competing sperm and that the most successful (strongest) one does the job. I wish I could remember the reference for this obscure fact. [I must be getting tired coming up with all this obscure BS - this ocmment could get deleted tomorrow] Reply | Quote You need to be logged in to vote

Ms Pet   | 124.171.128.xxx | 2008-05-12 22:39:17 ?? Does cumandplay's understanding represent the majority? I would feel troubled if I knew that the female half of a potential play couple was only doing it for her man. In fact, if play did eventuate, I'd feel a bit used. Reply | Quote You need to be logged in to vote

Paula   | Super Administrator | 2008-05-12 23:08:21 I am thinking very very carefully before I post... Don't want any one to think I am too opinionated eh Reply | Quote You need to be logged in to vote

Swingfest   | Author | 2008-05-12 23:13:35 Cum&Play said... "It is a fun scene, but let's face it, it really isn't a female trait to have sex with that many people," COUGH COUGH.... Excussssssssssseeeee eeee me ! This is so wrong ! I thought you'd met my wife ? Lol ALSO.. Ask "L" next time you see her about the majority of our club experiences in Sydney before we Left and moved North. The horny women would be sniffing around me all night, dragging the guys to clubs as they were usually duds. We actually stopped swinging for a while because "L" would find the guys were hopeless compared to their horny lady partners. Reply | Quote You need to be logged in to vote

cumandplay69   | Registered | 2008-05-13 00:52:45 I did say "female trait"....not necessarily saying that applies to all women. I shouldn't really generalise and I know there are some women who do not fit the mould, but I think you can comfortably say that as far as traits go, men are far more into sex than women! Is this a new can of worms opened now? Reply | Quote You need to be logged in to vote

Swingfest   | Author | 2008-05-13 00:54:46 I have racked my brains, and I reckon there is you and one other couple we know where the guys more "into it" than the woman. CAN OF WORMS OFFICIALLY OPENED ! lol Reply | Quote You need to be logged in to vote

Paula   | Super Administrator | 2008-05-13 02:38:16 We have met a few (read: LOTS) of people whose women are doing it only for their male half - is this wrong? Should Luke put up another poll? Reply | Quote You need to be logged in to vote

cumandplay69   | Registered | 2008-05-13 03:47:40 Wow Paula, I did not think there were lots...I would have said a few! Yes, interesting poll! W, now I can say it lol, where have YOU been? I would say that it has to be mainly men who would initiate swinging in a relationship, or like my partner, praising the lord when I suggested it lol! There are so many couple profiles (you have even said this yourself) on AMM that are really a horny guy trying to get his unsuspecting other half to play. I have even heard of men taking their women folk to swing parties without the lady knowing the nature of the party. Have NEVER heard of that in reverse lol! I am waiting for the day! Anyway, let's see what others think. I still think men really drive the swing scene on the majority! Women, merely give some unwanted directions occasionally lol! Reply | Quote You need to be logged in to vote

Luke   | Super Administrator | 2008-05-13 09:24:27 I can agree with that. I know of 3 situations from personal experience where the women didn't know where they were going until they got to the club. One memorable one, she didn't even realise until after she had been there for a while. Reply | Quote You need to be logged in to vote

Swingfest   | Author | 2008-05-13 04:04:26 Sorry to disagree. But I will qualify this. We HAVE BEEN AROUND.. and I think thats the big thing with us. We spot people who are "equal" in their desires and stick to them like glue. A party at our house, with 15-20 couples has equality like you have never seen in the Lifestyle. Its Soooooooo easy to spot an 'equal' couple. I guess we've been lucky in that regard. We still both categorically state that when we started at clubs in SYD.. there were heaps of women dragging their dud fuck hubbies along for the ride. No hassles sitting down with "L" over a cold bubbly recounting the times that happened ! Cumandplay........ remember the little convo last party at our house in the spare room ? Now.. who was the odd one out on that occasion ? Equality is an issue in the scene, but I suggest you fight tooth and nail for it, to make it as good as it can be ! p.s. When I say 'WE KNOW"... I mean couples that we play with. I have no doubt that there are couples where the guys drag the women along, but to us, it is NOT the majority ! Reply | Quote You need to be logged in to vote

raven62 - Taking turns driving. No seat   | Registered | 2008-05-13 04:19:30 I'm glad this discussion has gained momentum. K & I believe we are equally driven to the lifestyle and the extra that brings to our relationship. I accept that I, the male, introduced her to the possibilities, but each step forward was discussed beforehand, relished on the way through, dissected afterwards, and lo and behold we have been fortunate to discover we have similar drives. Reply | Quote You need to be logged in to vote

Luke   | Super Administrator | 2008-05-13 09:39:22 We 'introduced' the idea together. But since then the balance has 'swung' lots of different ways. I think if I had to generalise, couples seem happier if she is the driver or they are at least equally driven. In my experience where the man is driving and the woman is always the passenger the cart soon goes off the rails. I'm not suggesting this applies to you - it's just the point at the conversation I started typing a reply. Reply | Quote You need to be logged in to vote

cumandplay69   | 121.208.68.xxx | 2008-05-13 04:43:22 Sorry W forgotten that conversation, but I will admit D is far more driven than me! To me it is more about having fun than just the sex. Wish it was more the equal thing like you guys, but then in a perfect world......Anyway, I know there are a lot of wanna be guys out there, and very few wanna be girls. Does that prove my point? And if that doesn't prove it, why are single guys so unwanted in the scene, but single girls encouraged? Hmmmmmm? Reply | Quote You need to be logged in to vote

Swingfest   | Author | 2008-05-13 05:15:53 This is a classic generalisation. We, and none of our close freinds encourage or play with single girls anymore than we play with single guys Basically everyone we know only play with couples. The encouragement of 'single girls' in my opinion has always been a commercial one. Clubs.. Dating sites, love the girls, because they encourage the GUYS who spend the money. Couples who seek single girls, and ONLY single girls, are not really swingers in our opinion. And I'd love to see someone point out long term swingers that only meet with girls. They seriously do not exist. Sure.. you see exactly what you suggest in your post. But I'll put it to you, that the people you talk about.. ARE NOT SWINGERS ! usually its a bloke looking to legitimately fuck around on his wife with tacit approval. There is nothing in it for her, but he does not care. Reply | Quote You need to be logged in to vote

Luke   | Super Administrator | 2008-05-13 09:35:36 I disagree W. I think if your female partner is truly bi then you can have as much fun with a single girl as you can with a couple. The whole thing is so much simpler. With three people there are far fewer connection to make. The only reason I don't apply the same principle to a single guy is that there isnt as much in it for me as I am not bi. Reply | Quote You need to be logged in to vote

Paula   | Super Administrator | 2008-05-13 15:58:24 Too early - there seems to be so many opinions and so few articles - WRITE EM goddamit! Please, we have said it before, if you feel strongly about something WRITE IT! Reply | Quote You need to be logged in to vote

Swingfest   | Author | 2008-05-13 16:08:06 But but.... I AM writing it. here.... And lets face it, it really is only my/our opinion anyways. And thanks for letting me/us express it here. p.s. Couple + Girl (all the time) are not Swingers by my definition Luke. But its my definition. Reply | Quote You need to be logged in to vote

Swingfest - re:   | Author | 2008-05-13 17:55:38 Luke wrote: I disagree W. I think if your female partner is truly bi then you can have as much fun with a single girl as you can with a couple. The whole thing is so much simpler. With three people there are far fewer connection to make. Far more Jealousy issues have only ever arisen for us in these circumstances. Strictly 'Couples Only' for us from now on. The challenge is finding the '4' that click. We've been blessed in that department. Reply | Quote You need to be logged in to vote

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